666

Day 666. That number is supposed to have some significance in some cultures. For me it is the number of days since I have had a drink. I know that because I have an app that keeps track. I don’t think about it on a daily basis how many days it’s been. I do think every day that I’m not going to have a drink today. And that has been true for 666 days. Some days I only think about it in the morning when I pray and some days I think about it often. Those are the days when I am around other people drinking, stressful situations, or just the circumstances in which I used to drink. The older I get the more I realize how little I have control over and that is certainly true in sobriety. Most of my frustrations in sobriety (and in life) come from setting expectations on other people places and situations. 

Lately I have been thinking about social situations. One of the reasons people drink alcohol is that it works. For most people it helps them relax and socialize more easily.  Obviously that is only true to a certain point and then it becomes more detrimental. I have been thinking about my social skills and what it means to have fun and how I interact with other peopleWhen I go to a social gathering and don’t have a great time it’s easy to forget that i used to go to events like that when I was drinking all the time. Alcohol made it easier for me to ignore that I wasn’t enjoying myself and made me more relaxed so that I didn’t care as much. But what I have to remember is that it didn’t change the situation. I have to be the one to change. I have to be the one to make connections with other people. And I’m the one who can choose to make different connections. Sometimes I am going to events with colleagues, friends, even family and I won’t have a good time. And that’s OK. There will be other occasions that I will have a great time. And in both instances I know that I will be fully present rather than covering up my emotions.

Thoughts? Comments? Feel free to add to comments