Triple digits

The world keeps turning and the days seem to go faster between posts. Somewhere around day 80 or so I sold my home brewery. In some ways it was a big step. It was another way of making my decision to stop drinking and leaving beer culture permanent. In other ways, I had made that decision when I stopped brewing months before. Looking back I see that I decided to sell the brewery at the beginning of the year. At that time I said I wanted to make more room in the garage and that brewing was taking too much time from the girls. Which was true but now I realize I was trying to take a step away from drinking. Brewing was a hobby I enjoyed but it enabled too much drinking for me.  Goodbye brewery! You served me well.

As I pass day 118 without drinking I am noticing the urge to drink less often. One of the places that it still comes up is the airport. I have spent far too much time and money in airport bars waiting for flights. When traveling alone it is a natural fit. It seems like every airport has a brew pub or craft beer bar. Fortunately for me they also usually have a jamba juice or smoothie bar. And even though the prices are high they are still less than the bar. I spend less money, get actual nutrition, and spend the time working or reading. Better off all the way around. 

The more distance I have from my last drink the more I notice I used alcohol as a coping mechanism. It's not new information. Anyone who has take a psychology class, has been to an Al-anon meeting or just known an alcoholic knows this. But when I was drinking I didn't pay attention. Actually I think I intentionally tried not to think about it. Because I knew that would mean I had to question my drinking habits. And eventually I did. Lately there have been some stressful events in my life. The most recent event being a family member being hospitalized. (I try to keep other people's lives out of my blog especially those who have no online presence.) It was intense enough for me to stop what I was doing and travel to be with him. He is home and doing much better now. The point is that I noticed when I was traveling to see him the urge to drink. It wasn't just because there was craft beer at the bar next to my gate. It was because I was stressed. It was because I was afraid something bad would happen. And I didn't want to feel that. Over the week that feeling came a few times. I am very fortunate to be surrounded by people supporting me (sometimes virtually) so I didn't drink. I used the tools most of us have. Prayer (lots of it), meditation, breathing, and talking to someone about it. And you know what? The more I deal with life events this way I realize it is easier each time. And that at the end of the stressful event I am not hungover and tired. I don't have a bucket full of emotions that I have covered over. I am able to move on and be ready for the next thing. Because there is always going to be another thing. And always another opportunity to let God work it out.