Day 90!

As I crossed over the 90 day mark (it was Saturday) I was kind of amazed.  I have had some real highs and lows. It has been challenging and scary. When I decided to stop drinking this time I knew that I had to do something different. Because each time I stopped in the past, I started again before my self imposed limit. And I would start with the occasional drink but quickly work my way back to an almost daily drinker and always more than 1. So, for the 1st time I went to an AA meeting.
I had all kinds of messed up ideas about what that would be like.  (Most of those ideas were wrong. We do drink a lot of coffee 😁.) After that 1st meeting I was not sure what I had gotten into but I knew that I needed to find out more. I am glad that I did. Going to meetings is the opportunity to talk about what it is like to want to take a drink but not take it with people who understand that. There is much more to AA and those of you who are interested can read all about it here , talk to me, or if you are really interested go to a meeting. After going to a few meetings casually someone said something that struck me. They had been going to meetings for years before working the steps. (It is a 12 step program.) And although they had been sober they didn't feel great. That caught my attention. So I decided I needed to learn more. Now, I have a sponsor and go to regular meetings. I am learning a lot about myself. We will see where it leads.

In my last post I mentioned that getting sober doesn't make everything better. Shit still happens. The world keeps spinning and some days are good and some days are bad. For a long time I believed that I understood that. And I believed that I had a good relationship with my higher power. At times that has been true and at times not as much. AA has a strong foundation in faith in a higher power. It was recently pointed out in a meeting that there is big difference between believing in God and having faith in God. That is something that I have not thought a lot about in a long time. For the 1st time in years I have not had a drink in over 90 days. And this time I am paying attention to how that feels. Going to meetings and talking to people who have been down this road is helping me see that my faith could use a little building.  When things are challenging or difficult I have often said to people "In the end, everything will be fine. If it is not fine, then it is not the end." That is a statement of faith. The thing is I have been saying it but I have not really been living it. When you are living it then when life changes you don't get mad, or yell, or drink. You say a prayer for patience and understanding and thank God for having everything under control.  At least that's what I think you should do. I don't know. I am still figuring it out. But at least I am figuring it out.