4 years and climbing

 Today marks 4 years of sobriety. In some ways it feels like little has changed since that last day I had a drink. I am fortunate to still be married to an amazing woman, father to 2 wonderful daughters, and live in a beautiful place. Aside from the obvious pandemic of the last 16 months there have been changes. In previous posts I have written about meditation and mountain biking. And I have certainly done a lot of both in the last 16 months. But the thing that was there when I got sober and is still with me is AA. I don't talk a lot about it because many people have a negative attitude toward it. And that may be your experience but it isn't mine. I have found (and continue to find) stories of redemption in the rooms of AA. And that speaks to me on a deep level. It is profound to hear people of all different backgrounds share different stories that we can all relate to because of our experience with alcohol. When I 1st went to AA I didn't want to belong. I wanted to say "these people are losers and I don't need to be here." But instead I heard (and hear) versions of my own story. It has taken time for that to sink in. That spending time with people who relate to your experience is important. And that is not restricted to AA. I think that is true for whatever you struggle with. We all have demons. Some just visit but some are with us for life. Regardless, it benefits everyone involved to share that experience with someone else who has had similar experience. 

There is absolutely a spiritual component to AA and without a connection a higher power it doesn't work. Even though I was raised in a Christian home, attended church most of my life, and was an active member of my church that is something I was not cultivating. (And sometimes I still don't). But my time in AA has been humbling. It is so easy to think that you have it figured it out until the day you realize that you don't. I am learning that I have been connected to my higher power my whole life but that connection has been very fuzzy at times. And despite myself there have been times of great connection. What I can about sobriety today is that I am able to make the connection more easily and maintain it longer. And that is lot more than I was bargaining for when I walked into that AA meeting in 2017. 

In sobriety I have had some difficult times. Most recently, the death of my father. I would be lying if I said that I didn't think about taking a drink during some of the gatherings in his memory. But I know where that leads for me and I am thankful that the thought passed briefly. I have to credit that to being connected to AA through my friends, through the literature, and through my connection to my higher power. I am thankful to be sober today. If you want to hear more of my story please reach out to me anytime.